I shake my fist angrily.

So apparently when you get married, one of the main things you do for fun is agree with each other.

I cannot believe how lame and yet simultaneously satisfying this is! Like if you are being angry about health care reform, you turn to your spouse and go “And another thing, did you hear about that anti-reform guy who got into a fight at a town hall meeting and doesn’t have health insurance because he got laid off and now his lawyer is BEGGING FOR DONATIONS?!?” and your husband says “I KNOW.” and sometimes I am self-aware enough to shudder at my own lameness and go find something else to do…

But quite often, I am not. It’s like when you get married you get a personality transplant from a really old cranky person sitting on a porch!

When I go to the gym (my location of choice to RAISE MY HEART RATE, GET OVERHEATED, AND BOIL MY FETUS!) they have these big TVs overhead so you can stare at a closed-captioned version of either ESPN or CNN. I should start picking the machines that face ESPN, because I don’t know anything about NASCAR and so am not irritated by it.

Whereas CNN fills me with rage! Rage that probably raises my heart rate and boils the Lentil EVEN FASTER.

Recently CNN has been discussing America’s Health Care Crisis 24/7. But the people who work at CNN are all… buffoons. You know? They say stupid things! They invite stupid guests! They solicit stupid comments from stupid viewers! They make me feel like America is just not smart enough to succeed and one of these DEATH PANELS who are apparently hovering at the edges of our health care system should just check our vitals and go “You know what, this is a nation of morons. Pull the plug, maybe we can use the organs for something.”

My favorite statement that recently went unchallenged on CNN was about how President Obama is only championing this health care thing because he’s soliciting support from illegals.

(ILLEGAL ALIENS DON’T HAVE THE VOTE, YOU NUMBNUTS. You almost caused a pregnant woman to have an accident on the treadmill. Unless by “soliciting support” you literally mean that the president is looking for some guy pals who will come over and play Wii with him and tell him he’s doing an awesome job, and Michelle was so totally wrong about that new tie, it is freakin’ sweet.)


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