I received this email from Outstation Elana at 00:13 this morning:
poopwatch – day 14
Infant continues to grumble at higher than normal rate. GPM – grumbles per minute – has reached hitherto unknown levels, as high as eight ear-piercing shrieks per minute.
Infant’s belly remains soft, with no apparent tenderness. Pear juice has done nothing. Nothing. Terribly disappointing. Had been avoiding this last, drastic step, but am prepared to present infant with shamanistic offering of cloth diapers in the morning. Constant motorboating leading to increased mental confusion, fuzziness. Must find a way out before it is too late.
Note to self: do not leave house with infant until situation is resolved. A repeat of Poopocalypse ’10 is likely.
SEND HELP, DEAR GOD, SEND HELP
The message ends there. We do not know what has happened to the scientific team since.
Breastfed babies don’t always poop that much. Here’s an interesting Ask Moxie post in which she informally surveys her readers about their babies’ poop schedules. The range is astonishing: some babies poop 4-6 times a day (no, God, no!), while others have occasionally taken 3-4 weeks to poop. H. isn’t in that range quite yet, but he has already hit his pediatrician’s record for longest spell without a poop. Man. I hope the dam breaks soon.